God what did I do wrong?
This is the question I asked myself as I sat in the neurologist’s office and she told my husband and me that our son, Solomon, was not walking right. This lead to 4 different CAT scans, 3600 dollars of work, EEG, and many more appointments. Yet, I wondered what did I do wrong for my perfectly healthy son to go backwards in his development? Maybe, I did something wrong during my pregnancy. But, I made it a habit to eat right and exercise in order to only gain 22lbs. Maybe, I didn’t watch him close enough after I delivered my third son. I should have stayed up with him longer and slept less. I should have had the strength to be a mother of a 12 month old and a newborn. Maybe, he shouldn’t have spent all that time at my grandparent’s house.
God where did I go wrong?
Why can’t I be sick and not my son? This question continues to swirl in my head, as I watch once happy 15 month old stop laughing, smiling, and feeding himself. It got to a point where my child refused to walk out of pure frustration. My 18 month old is crawling even though he started walking at 10 months. I had to go in my room and just cry until I couldn’t stand it anymore. How could this child take such a U-turn from chasing his brother with a sword to barely crawling? Solomon would get so frustrated with not being to walk he could cry himself.
OOHHH….Lord I can’t take any more of this!!I
can’t watch this God, stop it please! What did I do wrong? Then, a still quiet voice tells me…. “Faith is the confidence in what we hope for and the assurance about what we do not see. Jazzmin, do you have the faith to trust me with your son? You told me your kids are mine. Remember if you being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him.” John 9 tells us that sometimes issues come to children so that God can perform miracles in their life for the glory of the Kingdom and neither the parent nor the child sinned to cause the situation. I knew at that moment a spiritual battle was raging over my son and I had to ask for healing while trusting in the Lord of my faith for a miracle. 1. Are you asking for your deliverance or assuming God knows you want it.
The bible tells us to pray for our healing and call on the elders of the church for them to anoint you with oil and pray for your healing as well.
I would need to lift him up in prayer every day. I had to ask for my son’s healing! I had to find the promise of healing in the word of God and trust that his healing will be delivered here on earth and not just in heaven. I had to stay in my word and away from distractions. People started to think I was being extra spiritual maybe even putting on a show. I had no time to play any games with my current situation. I was trying to keep my mind right so I wouldn’t give the devil any footing to get a hold of my faith. So, I had to stop caring what otherS thought about my relationship with Christ. Are you doing the same thing or are you limiting God because of what people may think of you? Are you surrounding yourself with people who help your faith or hinder it? Are people encouraging you in the word or helping doubt creep in.
Sometimes you have to step away from family members because their talk doesn’t align with the faith you have in God. As I struggle to walk in peace, more news comes my way. He has lost gray and white brain matter or he has always had less of it which could be caused by a generic disorder. Dropping to the floor all I could say is have your way God.
When you can’t stand
I had been praying for peace for months because the journey of sick children is hard. The doctor’s visits are high and the procedures are long yet as I walked away I was reminded about the blind man that was only blind for the Glory of God. He wanted to perform a supernatural miracle in order for him to give hope in a dark place.
The Holy Spirit lead me to this conclusion, Solomon will be a supernatural miracle. He will not lose anything, but gain a miracle that will lead others to Christ. Once I began this perspective a peace like no other completely covered my soul. I prayed and received my Philippians 4:7 peace. Peace that passes understanding. My “God why me” was going to turn into a Victory. For all things work for the good of those love the Lord. It’s going to take faith and prayer. I have to keep my spirit right and be able to declare “No weapon formed against Solomon will prosper and every tongue that rises against his healing is condemned”.
So do I not take him to the doctor? Yes!! I just understand that his true healing comes from the Lord. This is faith talk and I realize everyone can’t take this approach just like everyone couldn’t believe that Jesus rose from the dead.
This message is for those people who are willing to trust God in the dark. Who can take his word in the chaos. Who can move forward with an anchor tied to them. Who can say as for me and my house we will trust the Lord. That mustard seed, crazy faith, for I was sent to tell you, your obstacle was not sent to take you out but to set you up! Find every verse that relates to your issue and meditate on it daily (day and night). For the word tells us to pray without ceasing.
It’s going to take some work, but the battle is not yours it’s the Lord’s. However you have to clock in your circumstance and stay close to the Lord so that you don’t talk way your breakthrough. Remember, life and death is in the power of the tongue. For your why me will turn into VICTORY!!!